It was Friday night and I was playing soccer under the lights for the first time in years. I was excited to connect with some new people, see if I had anything left in the tank, and make a memory. The moment I walked across the field, I realized I had made a mistake. I thought it was an alumni soccer game, at least that is what it had been publicized to be. Instead, I walked into an impromptu class reunion on a soccer field. My biggest problem. . . it wasn't my class. (My other problem was that i was a good 12 years older than anyone we were playing against!) I knew a couple of the 15 or so guys on the "alumni" squad. The rest of the guys were complete strangers to me, but they were in deep community with one another. I was overwhelmed with the realization that no matter who I was, how I could play, or how badly I wanted to join this "team", I was already labeled. I was invisible for one reason: they were too busy protecting their own place in the team to notice anyone new. It was surreal.
It wasn't lost on me that none of what was happening was personal toward me nor was it a reflection of my ability or character. I just didn't happen to have a history with this group. No matter the reason, as the match started I was still left on the sideline, questioning why I would want to help a team that I didn't belong to. Wondering at one point whether I should just force myself into the community, or pack up and call it a night.
It felt a lot like church.
I wonder if many people watch "church" happen and decide to pack up and call it a night. I often wonder why the church has to fight so hard for it's reputation. I wonder why there are so many intelligent, loving, selfless, encouraging, and broken people in the world who want nothing to do with the church. Then I wonder if it is because we (the religious) are too busy having class reunions every Sunday morning to notice anyone else. Are we too insecure, selfish, proud, oblivious, or conceited? In soccer, there are only 11 spots on the field at a time. It's often a fight to get those spots and keep them. Rarely do you find someone who is willing to surrender their place on the team in order to get someone else into the game. That takes guts. It takes confidence. It takes a leader who sees the big picture.
I wasn't offended as I stood on the sideline of this meaningless scrimmage. I was thankful to be reminded that religion without Jesus is about self preservation. That type of religion is about keeping myself right with God by my actions. I don't see a place for that type of religion in my life.
Religion in response to Jesus is about reckless abandon of self. I can invite someone to take my spot because Jesus has room for both of us. I would rather be in a community that values everyone than watch a team of the best "christians" in the world "do church" as I sit, sidelined, because they don't even know my value. I wonder how many people I have left on the sideline, though? I want to see the world differently today. I want to lean in to the value Jesus has given to me and every other life on this planet. I don't need to prove my worth. I long to notice those standing on the fringes, the visitors, the disconnected, the ones looking for a chance to matter. I want to work harder at getting others into the community of the church than I used to work at protecting my own value. I believe this to be pivotal in redefining my religion.
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